The Glimpse
by hopelesslyhalfhearted
Summary: We all make decisions, some we regret, others we don't. What would you do if you suddenly got a chance to see just how different your life would be if you had made a different decision?
1. Chapter 1

2005

"Bye,"

"Bye," Marissa hugged him and then joined the line.

"Marissa!" Ryan ran to her. "I..." He was lost for words. Nothing he could say could possibly express how he was feeling at that moment. He decided to try to say it with a kiss. He pulled her mouth towards his and for one blissful moment she returned the kiss. She pulled away and their foreheads leant against each other. "Stay," Was Ryan's simple request.

"Ryan..."

"Stay. Stay forever.I...I can't live without you,"

"Ryan, you know...I've...I need to..."

"I know what you need to do, what you've said. But...but...I just...I think...maybe this time is our time...I...I don't know how to explain it...it's just a feeling...but...maybe this time, this time we could work,"

"Ryan, please..."

"Marissa. I know you think this is the right thing. And...I agreed with you...but...but in my heart, this just feels wrong. Don't go," She kissed him passionately and then buried her head I his shoulder. "I love you," Ryan whispered.

"I love you too," She said before pulling away. Ryan looked into her eyes, they seemed sad. Why was she sad? Then he realised. She wasn't planning on staying. "And one year in Greece won't change that. A million years wouldn't change that." She turned quickly, knowing she wouldn't be able to still leave if she looked into his eyes. She passed over her ticket and boarded. She was gone.

**Yes, I know, another story. What am I playing at? Well I seem to have writers block for everything else, but i wanted to write...so hey, here we are. **


	2. Chapter 2

2013  
Christmas Eve

Marissa woke up tangled in the sheets of her king sized bed. She slowly opened her eyes, allowing the rest of her bedroom to be seen. A tall, muscular, Hispanic man was stood by the door, slipping back into last night's clothes.

"Again tonight?" Marissa mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

"Can't, sorry. I'm going to my parents," Marissa moaned at the man's reaction. "It's Christmas Eve," Christmukkah Eve, she corrected him inside her mind. The man left Marissa alone, as he or some other man did every morning. She lay for a while, thinking about the day ahead of her. To her it would be just like any other day, just with more pretty decorations to look at. She looked briefly at the clock that hung on her penthouse wall. 7. She didn't need to be into the office until 9, but she'd have to start getting ready now if she was going to make it on time. She made a pot of coffee and then went to have a shower. She was finished with her routine by 8:30 and got the lift down to the lobby.

"Hey, Clive," She greeted the valet/porter.

"Good morning, Miss Cooper. Your car's out front already,"

"Thanks. See you,"

"Have a good day, Miss," Marissa went outside and got into her Porsche. She loved it. She wasn't really a car nut. She had absolutely no idea how the engine worked or what specification it was. She didn't care how fast it could go. She just knew it looked gorgeous...especially in red. It took her 15 minutes to get to work, making her early...as always.

Marissa settled into her office, waiting for everyone else to arrive. By 9:30 everyone was in, bustling about busily. She poked her out of the door. "Gregg, I need the front cover by tonight!"

"I'm on it!" A man shouted back. Marissa set about her normal work day. Before she knew it was 9 at night and everyone had left apart from her and her secretary. There was a knock at the door, Marissa looked up from her screen and called for them to come in.

"Hey, Gloria,"

"You missed a call when you were in the meeting,"

"Who from?"

"Mr..." The secretary checked the piece of paper in her hand. "Ryan Atwood. His assistant said you could get hold of him at this number after 8," Gloria handed Marissa a piece of paper with a number scrawled on it.

"He was my..." Marissa wasn't really sure how to describe what Ryan was at the time she had left for Greece. "Boyfriend," Well, she was pretty sure that was what would have ended up happening if they had had a few more weeks. "Before I went to Greece...I might have married him,"

"You? Married? Now there's a very different life you could have had," Gloria laughed.

"I know alternate universe or what,"

"So what happened?"

"He asked me to stay at the airport,"

"And you left?"

"I took the road less travelled,"

"And look where it got you, still at work at 9 on Christmas Eve, with nobody to greet you when you get home. I'm going to get this guy on the phone," Gloria began dialling.

"No," Marissa stopped her.

"You could have married this guy and you're not even curious as to why he called?"

"He's probably just being nostalgic, you know, lonely Christmas Eve, call the one that got away, that kinda thing. Why call him back and mislead him? It was a long, _long_ time ago,"

"Whatever you say. Merry Christmas, Miss Cooper,"

"Goodnight Gloria," The secretary left and Marissa shut down her laptop, put it in her bag and pulled her coat on. She looked outside her window. It was snowing. It seemed to sparkle in the Manhattan lights. She caught the lift down to the lobby, just as she had done in her apartment block that morning.

"Night, Frank," She waved to the security man who sat at the front door on night shift. Wow, she really had no life. She was at work so late that the _nightshift _guy had come to work. But she didn't have time for a family and that stuff...work just...work was her life. She didn't see how staying in your office all day was considered any worse than staying in your house all day. At least if you're in an office you can prove you've achieved something.

"Night, Miss Cooper. Why didn't you call down? I'd have called for your car from the lot,"

"I think I'll walk tonight,"

"It's a nice night for it. I'll send your car home for you,"

"That'll be great," Marissa said walking out the door.

"Merry Christmas!" Frank called after her. She walked along the street towards her pent house, but decided to stop in at the store to get eggnog. It was Christmas after all. Marissa was queuing to pay when a black woman came in. Her face was dirty and her clothes slightly ragged. She was wet and shivering from the cold. She jumped straight into the queue.

"You do lottery tickets?"

"Yes," The cashier answered.

"Good, cause I got a winning ticket," The lady produced a ticket onto the counter. "248 dollars,"

"No. I know about this, you draw lines with pencil. You cheat!" The Asian cashier shouted. "Get out!"

"You ain't even checked the ticket; you're just looking at me. Check the ticket,"

"Out!" The cashier shoved the ticket back into the lady's hand. She shoved it back on the counter and produced a pistol. She used the pistol to move the ticket over to the cashier's side of the counter.

"Check...the...ticket, stupid. Look at the ticket," The staff panicked, whispering to each other. "Check the ticket fool!"

"Let me see the ticket," Marissa said, walking towards the lady.

"Was I talking to you?"

"Let me see the ticket. I'll buy it from you. Make a business deal, you know?"

"Stupid white girl in a 3000 dollar dress, saves shop, that what you wanna see on 10 o'clock news?" The lady then held the gun to Marissa's throat. "You wanna die?" Marissa stayed silent, trying to keep her cool. "Do...you...want...to...die?"

"No," She replied, calm the whole time. "Look, business deal. I'll give you 200 dollars for the ticket, and then go some place where they accept it and make myself an easy 38 dollars. Just a business deal," The lady nodded. Marissa handed over the money.

"Come on Marissa, let's get out of here," The lady walked out and Marissa followed.

"How d'you know my name was Marissa?" The lady shrugged.

"Hunch. I'll see you around," The lady began to walk away.

"Hey," Marissa called after her.

"Yeah?"

"Why you want to carry a gun around anyway? You'll end up doing something you'll regret,"

"You're talking to the wrong person about regret,"

"I'm sure there are programs and things that you can go on and..."

"Wait, hold on a minute. Are you trying to save me?" The lady laughed. "This is bananas. This girl thinks I need to be saved," The woman shouted at the top of her voice.

"Everybody needs something," Marissa said.

"Yeah, well, what do you need Marissa?"

"Me?"

"Yeah, you just said everybody needs something,"

"I got everything I need,"

"Wow, it must be great being you,"

"I'm not saying you'd be able to do it without some hard work, some honest hard work," The lady laughed more.

"I'm going to really enjoy this. Just remember you did this, Marissa, you brought this on yourself. Merry Christmas," She walked away, leaving Marissa standing in the snow. Marissa went home, stripped down and went straight to bed.


	3. Chapter 3

2013  
Christmas Day

The next morning she woke up. Slowly she opened her eyes. She wasn't in her penthouse. She was in a bedroom that she didn't recognise; it had boxes everywhere. Her sheets weren't the finest silk they were just...sheets. And there was no cute guy getting dressed. She jolted upright, realising her head was leant on someone's chest. No one was ever still in bed when she woke up...not since R...the man rolled over.

"Hmmmm...10 more minutes, Riss, it's Christmas," He mumbled. Was it? No it couldn't be? She leaned over to get a good look at him and instantly snapped back when she realised who it was. Ryan?

"Ryan?" She asked confused.

"Please," He moaned. "10 more minutes,"

"What the..." Marissa jumped out of the bed. Ryan sat up.

"Marissa...are you ok?"

"Why...I...you're...what...why..." Marissa had so many questions running through her mind. "Why are you in my bed? Well, not my bed, because this isn't my house. Why the hell am I even here? This is really odd. Why are you in my bed!?" She managed to get back her first question.

"Marissa..." Ryan raised his eyebrows. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Why...are...you...in...my...bed?" Everything was becoming too much for her. What the hell had happened?

"I'm in our bed...in our house...that we've lived in for the past month..."

"Where am I?"

"Our house..."

"Where's our house!?" Marissa shouted impatiently.

"New Jersey..."

"New Jersey? Why aren't I in New York?"

"Because we moved...we got engaged and we moved...out of the city..." Ryan was beginning to get scared.

"We're engaged?" Marissa looked down at her left hand. "HOLY SHIT! I have to go to New York," She hurriedly opened the wardrobe and pulled on some jeans over the top of the underwear she had been sleeping in and wrapped a jacket around her upper body, which had been clad in a large t-shirt, presumably his. She ran out of the room. Ryan quickly got up and followed her.

"What's wrong?" He said as she fumbled about looking for car keys. "Marissa...? Are you...I mean...are you having cold feet or something?" She looked at his pained expression for a moment. It was the same one she had seen when he realised she wasn't staying for him.

"Where are the car keys?" She said quickly. He ignored her franticness and walked slowly towards her and cupped her face in his hands.

"Marissa...what's wrong?" For a second she was transported back to be 18. A part of her desperately wanted to kiss him, to pretend she was the Marissa Cooper he was engaged to...but she wasn't. She wasn't sure what she was doing here but she sure as hell didn't belong. It was wrong. She pulled away from him. As she did so she noticed a set of car keys on a hook on the wall. It was obvious. But sometimes you miss the obvious when you're confused. She grabbed them and ran out the door, he followed her.

"Marissa what the hell is going on!?" It was the first time he had raised his voice. She ignored him and ran down the driveway got in the car, started it up and drove straight to New York. It only took her half an hour to get to her apartment building. She parked up quickly and ran out. She headed straight for her building. Clive was stood guarding the doors.

"Thank god, Clive," She made a move to go through the doors, but he stuck his arm out, obstructing her.

"Residents only,"

"What? Marissa Cooper, pent house suite. You get my Porsche out for me every morning,"

"Residents only Miss,"

"What? Is this some sick Christmas joke? Very funny, now let me in,"

"I'm gunnam have to call the cops,"

"NO! _I'm_ going to call the cops! You're scaring me!"

"I'm not gunna call the cops. Look I'm sure there's help somewhere; there must be a shelter in the city,"

"WHAT? A shelter? I'm the richest person in this building! And I'm going upstairs!" She made a move to get through the door but Clive stopped her again.

"Take a walk, Miss,"

"WHATEVER!" Marissa began walking back to her car. "I'M GOING TO GO TO MY OFFICE AND I'M GOING TO FILE A COMPLAINT WITH THE MANAGER OF THE BUILDING! I'M GOING TO GET YOU FIRED CLIVE!" She drove quickly to her office and hurried through the doors.

"Frank, you won't believe what's been happening to me."

"What the..."

"Where's Gloria?" Frank stood up.

"Miss, this building's closed. You're going to come back tomorrow,"

"Frank, why do I have to remind you that I'm Marissa Cooper editor in chief of this magazine?"

"Look, it's Christmas and like I told you the building's closed."

"I don't think you heard me correctly. I'm Marissa Cooper. MARISSA COOPER!" Marissa walked over to a list of important company employees on the wall and pointed to the name next to editor in chief. "MARISSA CO...Sarah Ward?" She backed away confused.

"You have a nice holiday, Miss," Marissa ran from the building and as she walked across the road to get to her car a sports car stopped right in front of her. A red Porsche. HER red Porsche. She peered through the windscreen. It was HER. The lottery ticket woman. She rushed round to the passenger side and banged on the window. The lady rolled it down,

"THAT'S MY CAR! YOU'RE IN MY CAR!"

"Listen, honey, I know this thing is really bizarre to you and you're feeling shocked, but just hop in and I'll explain everything to ya," Marissa paused for a second before opening the door and getting in. The lady drove.

"What's happening to me?" Marissa asked with desperation in her voice.

"Try not to get worked up, hun, after all you brought this on yourself,"

"BROUGHT WHAT ON MYSELF? I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!"

"I got everything I need. That sound familiar?"

"WHAT? BECAUSE YOU THOUGHT I WAS COCKY YOU'VE NOW RUINED MY LIFE!"

"The way you intervened in that store last night, you did a good thing hun. It was incredibly impressive,"

"Please just tell me what is happening to me without all the bull!"

"This is a glimpse, Marissa,"

"A glimpse? A glimpse at what?"

"You're going have to figure that one out for yourself and you got plenty of time,"

"How much time?"

"As much time as it takes, in your case it's probably gunna be a while,"

"Look, I just want my life back ok...so...so what's it gunna take? HOW MUCH MONEY!?" The lady laughed.

"It doesn't work like that and I can't tell you why,"

"Why?"

"Because you have to figure this thing out for yourself. Are you listening to me?"

"FIGURE IT OUT FOR MYSELF! FIGURE OUT WHAT?"

"Let it come to you, hun,"

"I don't have time for this now! I'm in the middle of next year's FIRST EDITION!" The lady stopped the car.

"Now you gotta get out of the car, hun,"

"But what do I do?"

"I'm sorry I got some other business to take care of,"

"No, you did this to me. You can't just leave me like this,"

"Ok...look you wanna get some air? Let's get outside, take a walk and I'll explain everything to ya,"

"Thanks," Marissa got out and the woman immediately drove away. Damn it. Why was she so gullible? Marissa slowly walked back to the car. She was going to have go back to Ryan.


	4. Chapter 4

Ryan.

It was odd. There were so many times when she had thought about what life would have been like if she had stayed. Maybe that was what it was. What she was experiencing now was her life...if she had stayed. Was that it?

She decided to try not to think about it too much. It took her an hour to get back to the house with the traffic being bad. She parked the car in the driveway and stayed sat in it for 5 minutes, head on the steering wheel, trying to get her mind around what was happening. It had to be a dream...there was no other explanation.

She could imagine Ryan sat inside waiting for her, worrying about her. She felt a pang of guilt engulf her body. It wasn't his fault. She looked down at the ring that wrapped around her finger. It was so delicate, precious. She could imagine Ryan searching for hours, trying to find the perfect one. She wondered how they had got from Newport to New York then to New Jersey. They? Why had she said they? She was thinking as if this situation was real and she actually _was _engaged to him. She was pretending it was something it wasn't. It was just a dream, a figment of her imagination.

When she finally brought herself to go inside she opened the door carefully and slowly. He was sat in the kitchen; head in his hands, tugging at his sandy hair. It was longer than she had ever seen it before, hanging over his eyes and reaching down the back of his neck. It looked good. Too good. He raised his head and as soon as he saw her he jumped up from the chair, sending it crashing to the floor, and hugged her tightly.

"Don't ever do that again." He whispered into her ear. She pulled away, uncomfortable with the intimate situation, although enjoying it at the same time. She glanced over at the clock. She had been gone for 5 hours. She felt even guiltier now. He looked at her, confusion and pain seeping through his ocean eyes. "Marissa?"

"I just...I need space."

"Marissa, what is going on with you?" She didn't answer his question, instead choosing to go upstairs. She didn't expect him to follow her and she suddenly realised, as she stood with her back to him at the top of the stairs, that she had no idea which room she should go into. "Marissa?"

"I just need to be alone,"

"You don't get to be alone of Christmas day." He said sternly. "Stop fucking about. We...I...we're going to meet up with the others. You've been looking forward to it for months. You made me buy that ridiculous suit. We are _not _backing out now just because you wake up and suddenly, hey presto, you no longer want to marry me,"

"Did I say I didn't want to marry you?" She spun around on the spot, staring at him. Why did she care what happened? This was obviously a dream, just a stupid dream. But somehow, despite knowing it was all fake, she couldn't bear to be hurting Ryan...even if it wasn't real hurt.

"What's in New York?"

"What do you mean?"

"I _mean_, what's so important that you have to rush off to New York for 5 hours on Christmas day?"

"I just...I needed to clear my head." He didn't seem convinced.

"Have you?"

"I..."

"Look, you don't have come. Stay here look after Jimmy," As if it were rehearsed, a Labrador puppy came charging up the stairs and jumped up at Marissa, licking her face.

"No," She said quickly, as she pushed it away. She couldn't manage a dog. No way. It was disgusting. "I'll be ready in a second," She rushed off to the bedroom she had woken up in, leaving Ryan to stand on the landing, running through any possible explanation in his mind.

She pulled a face as she looked at the wardrobe, she hadn't looked through it properly in the morning and only now realised how awful the clothes were. She could make out one dress with a designer label, the other items were all high street. How had her Mother let this happen? How had _she _let this happen? She pulled a face, inspecting it. She had no idea how long she was going to be stuck in this stupid alternate reality/dream. She hoped she'd wake up the next morning and it would have been as if nothing had ever happened.

But.

But just in case.

Just in case that wasn't what happened, which she dreaded, she couldn't bear thinking about it. Just in case; she would have to make sure she went shopping.

For now she slipped on the designer item, a skimpy black number, which hugged her body. Alternate universe her had chosen the one expensive item well, she admitted to herself. It was beautiful. She made a mental note to try and search one out once she got back to her normal life. She then looked at her shoe choices, which were limited. She ended up with a pair of high black heels, which didn't even have a recognisable high street label anywhere. What she wouldn't give for her Jimmy Choo's. She opened a door, hoping it led into an en-suite, which fortunately it did. There she found a makeup bag, not nearly big enough for her everyday usage.

It took her half an hour to get ready after that, then another half hour to convince herself to step foot outside the room, to go with him. It would have been breath taking and enough to make her heart skip if she had just glimpsed him passing by on the street...but this...this was so much more. Here he was, 8 years after she had broken his heart, happy and content with his life as _her _fiancé. _Her's_. That wasn't just heart skipping, it was full cardiac arrest.

When she did finally make her way down the stairs, after many breathing exercises (taught to her by one of many personal trainers), he was stood waiting at the bottom. She noticed that the suit he was wearing looked brand new, then she remembered his earlier comment and realized it was, in fact, bought for this occasion. When his eyes met hers, she suddenly felt like the rest of the world melted away. The house, the estate around them, the whole town, New York City, USA, Earth. Everything. They were just stood in emptiness, white, bright, colourless emptiness. Emptiness that she would have stayed in for as long as she possible could.

Then she realised something. He must have seen her dressed up a thousand times in however many years they had been dating, engaged now. He must have seen her without a hair out of place, but also another day he may have been the one holding the bucket for her to be sick in. But despite that he somehow still looked at her as if it was their first date and he hadn't yet met the moody, messy Marissa. You know that first date feeling, where you haven't found the negative points of the person yet and all you see is the perfection that you think is in front of you? That was how he looked at her. Even though she knew he had seen the worse parts of her life. How did he do it? She knew no other person could look at her like that; nobody else could make her feel weak with just a look.

"Ready?" He asked. It was one of those silly questions, with an obvious answer, that was asked just to fill in the gap. Surely he had seen her wear it before? She nodded, answering his question. He led the way out to the car, locking the door behind them.

"I was thinking..." Marissa began, as she buckled in and he began driving. "How long have we been dating?"

"You don't..." He cut himself off. "8 years."

"Wow." Since 2005. What had happened at the airport?

"Yeah." Ryan muttered.

"I'm sorry...about today." She turned her head to look at him, his eyes stayed fixed on the road. "I guess I kinda ruined Christmas."

"It's not completely ruined. What's happened to you Marissa Cooper?" Marissa became worried quickly, but realised Ryan's turn at become happy, joking. "Seth would be very disappointed in your lack of faith in Christmas miracles," Marissa paused, trying to think of a reply. Was the Marissa Ryan was engaged to the same as her? Would her mind work the same as hers did? Would she be that different? What would Ryan be expecting?

"He'd be disappointed in you too," She began cautiously. "Whatever happened to calling it Chirstmukkah?" He laughed. Phew. They drove in silence. "So, what are we doing tonight?" He looked as her as if she were an alien just landed from Mars.

"Have you hit your head?" He asked, with an amused grin on his face.

"Something like that," She brushed his question aside.

"Well, we'll probably have to eat our way through about 10 times too much food, like every year. You and Seth are probably the only ones who find that a positive," Was he saying she had an appetite? She hadn't eaten a lot for over 6 years. She was on a strict regime of proteins and daily exercise. A family Christmas dinner would screw with her routine.

"So, we're meeting everyone?"

"Marissa...are you sure you're ok?" He asked, the jovial tone gone, concern now spreading across his features.

"Yes, yes," She said quickly, looking out the window.

"Marissa, you can talk to me about...your Dad,"

"My Dad? What's happened to my Dad?"

"Marissa," He glanced at her with that pained look that she hated so much. "Please."

"What?"

"Look, I get that it's been hard, really hard...but you have to talk to me for us to work,"

"Honestly, Ryan, I have no idea what on earth you're talking about,"

"Marissa..."

"_What_? What's happened to my Dad?" Her tone became frustrated, desperate to work out what Ryan was going on about. It was ridiculous. She was her, but not her. It confused her. It annoyed her. It angered her.

"It's hard, I know, but you've just...got to accept it." He left it at that, staring intently at the road. She knew even if she had asked more he wouldn't have replied. Maybe she should ask Summer.

"So..." She wondered if asking another question would be a stretch to far. Maybe he'd get angry, then confused and hurt. She didn't want him getting hurt.

But she was curious.

Always curious.

"Everyone else lives in New Jersey then?"

Silence.

Constant silence.


End file.
